Read the Parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25 – 27).
Like the man left on the side of the road bleeding, wounded and alone, abuse leaves its victim bleeding, wounded, and alone. Even if the abuse is, as some say, “just emotional”, without any physical abuse, it leaves the soul and spirit bleeding, wounded, and lonely.
Abuse creates a mindset full of lies in the victim. These lies tell them that they are no good, unwanted, and unloved. Walls are formed, and the thickness of these walls is dependent upon the severity and length of the abuse.
Mistrust of everything and everyone develops. Retreating from people is a form of protection. They feel that if they can avoid other people, they can avoid pain (This is a lie of the enemy). When people are sought it is a cry for help; with great fear hidden deep inside that rejection will once again come knocking. The few cries for help are often overlooked, rejected, brought to the abuser who then brings on more pain as discipline, or looked upon then ignored, or judgments made and criticism given. This drives the abused person’s fears, lies, pain and torment deeper still.
A tough front is formed. One that hopefully portrays to others, that everything is okay; or one that portrays that pain cannot be inflicted for revenge will ensue. This front is built to hide the fear, pain, and torment that run rampant through the mind. Even though the front is meant to hide the fact that reality exists, all the while a yearning for something to change grows; building a deeper dissatisfaction with life.
The yearning for love and acceptance along with the belief that ‘this is all I am worth” bring on a false hope during the good times. This is a hope that wants to believe that it won’t happen again. I’ll stay and give him/her another chance. See, he/she really does love me. Then another episode happens, driving the despair, confusion, and fear full force once more.
Questions begin to form. Is this all life holds? Am I really that bad? Is God really a God of love? If so, where is He? Why would He allow such pain and suffering? Why does this happen to me? What is love? What is goodness? Loving families, do they exist? Is this the way life is supposed to be? There must be an answer, but what, where, who? I must not be deserving of kindness, mercy, and grace, but why? The victim forms a mentality. A mentality that believes “if only” I could do better, make things right, be perfect, say the right things, do the right things, or be at the right place, then this will stop (a form of control, with self at the center instead of God). Driven by this lie, a vicious cycle is created, driving the lies of the mind further home making them look like reality.
The decision is made to make do. Hope is lost; despair, heartache, and depression remain. This drives the vicious cycle further until death ensues, a little at a time, bringing on numbness and emptiness, void of feeling, void of caring, and void of hope. To further the numbness addictions can form, addictions to work, drugs, alcohol, sex, computers, etc., all used as a form of escape bringing on an entire different world of trouble. The numbness grows into anger, hatred, unforgiveness, and lack of caring.
This condition of the heart is inflicted on others who cross its path, with the belief that it’s their fault. If only they would have done what I wanted, and hadn’t caused pain I wouldn’t have had to hurt them. Besides, why should I care about the damage done, look at what was done to me. The abused victim is now the abuser, a vicious cycle once again starting over with the next abuse victim. This is a vicious cycle that must be stopped.
Abuse is a trap of the enemy of our souls, indiscriminate of race, age, gender, financial status, position in the church (yes, the church), position in the world, or location on this earth. A trap that if one is caught in then many will follow. This is a trap the enemy lays down, knowing that he has to do very little. The rest comes spiraling down because of the condition of mankind (the flesh). The enemy knows if this trap is fallen into, it causes sin for the abuser, the abused, and many others. The abuser’s sin is obvious. The abused person’s sin, if driven to this point, is trying to control the situation without God, and hatred of “self”, which is a creation loved by God. (This hatred of self is different than humility). Many other people’s sin is a lack of loving thy neighbor as thyself, and for the judgments made, and criticisms given without all the information at hand. (Would you want to be cast aside if you were in the same situation?) All are guilty of God’s law. This trap of abuse must be stopped and avoided.
There is a road to wholeness from abuse. This road to deliverance is found only through following God’s plan. Only He knows the heart and what is needed for healing to take place. Mankind is a creation of God, adored and loved enough to give His only Son for. The path He leads you on is not easy, but once on the other side, it’s a journey worth taking. The sun does shine, good does exist with God, and He is ALWAYS there.
For those who have been abused, I encourage you to get out of the abusive situation. For those abuse victims that are married, I am not supporting divorce, but at the same time no one was given the authority by God to abuse you. Why, even God divorced Israel for a season and He hates his children being abused. This decision may be your only road to wholeness, but only He knows your path. God gave man free will and He will not go against that free will, even if man is making the wrong choice, and causing pain. I also encourage you to search God’s Word to find out who He says you are and memorize it. Even though you may not believe how precious you are now, God’s Word WILL NOT return void. When the path to healing gets rocky, I encourage you to stay on the course. The prize at the end is worth the journey.
For those who haven’t been abused, I pray that you’ll never experience its torment! Everyone is needed to help stop this attack called abuse. Will you bestow God’s love like the Samaritan (a man the Jewish nation wouldn’t even speak to); or continue on your way like the priest (a man called by God to take care of God’s people); or look at the situation and decide its too troublesome like the Levite (a man of the tribe God called to Himself to take care of the tabernacle of the Testimony)? The Samaritan had to give greatly in several ways, but yet his sacrificial gift helped the wounded man get on the road to help. The priest and Levite’s decision to leave the wounded man there could have led to the wounded man’s death. Will you choose Godly love to the abused, or will you chose to continue to ignore the situation intensifying the pain in the wounded? Will you be one to help stop this vicious cycle?